Oscar was walking through the cold, gray stone walls, as a white rose shining in the darkness. Her gender was a bigger problem here, but they would get used to. The only thing she was wondering was Andre. Sometimes she was feeling unfriendly gazes towards him. She went out to the atrium, looked around. There, close to gate, a woman was walking. She looked again, it was Nanny. Nanny stopped walking when she heard Oscar.
OSCAR Nanny! What are you doing here?
NANNY Lady Oscar… I had brought some clean clothes for Andre.
Nanny looked down as she was guilty. She had never been away from Andre since he moved to Mansion Jarjayes. It was hard to accept that he had left for such a life without even mentioning it before. For a second, Oscar thought if Nanny was aware of what happened. But, no… It was impossible; if she had known it she wouldn’t be such silent.
Oscar’s eyes followed Nanny until she totally disappeared. Then she remembered that she was looking for Andre. Since he was not in atrium, he should be inside the barracks. At last, she saw him near the fountain with Alain. Andre was washing his face. When she walked near, she noticed that Andre had several bruises on his face. He was trying to hide it.
OSCAR Andre! What happened? Who did this to you?
ANDRE Nobody. I fell down from the stairs. Just an accident..
Oscar stared at Alain’s face as if she was asking for truth. However, there was something weird in Alain also.
OSCAR Alain, tell me! What happened to Andre?
ALAIN As he said, just an accident. It is not your job, is it? Come on Andre… Let’s go inside…
OSCAR Andre!
But he did not turn back, they walked inside the barracks. Oscar thought that maybe a fight occurred, but it was strange that Andre was not telling. Also what was wrong with Alain?
Oscar was right. Andre had a fight. Because, some of the soldiers in Company B was thinking that he was spy of Oscar. When Alain had come to stop it, Andre was lying on the floor. He was already beaten. Alain was sure that Andre was not a spy. But he couldn’t discover why Andre attended Company B since he did not need money. Alain was trying to make Andre awake when he heard his murmurings. “Don’t Oscar… Don’t get married”. That was the answer of his questions. Andre was in love with Oscar but that noble woman commander was not aware of it or worse, ignoring his love. “Hell with nobles…” Alain made Andre walk and took him to the fountain. This was where Oscar saw them. At night shift, he had something to say to Andre:
ALAIN Hey, Andre, don't get involved with that woman. She's quite capable at taking commands of the company. But, it looks like she's trying to get away from something.
Andre was surprised by the exactly true analysis of Alain. He was listening quietly:
ALAIN So, she can't take things easy. It's fatal to fall in love with such a woman. A man gets embroiled and won't have enough lives to spare.
Andre had only one life... Alain threw a bottle to Andre, but his sight was so bad, he could not catch it. Alain was also aware of his eye.
ALAIN You don't care about your life for that woman? Don't become reckless just because you might turn blind! It's pretty serious, isn't it? Well, we all live together. So I can tell. Does that woman know about your eyes?
ANDRE
No... Alain, don't tell anyone... please!
At last Oscar was leaving barracks behind, turning back Mansion for a little peace. Reddish clouds were moving with the wind. In front of the barracks, she recognized Gerodere. He wanted to escort her. She knew that it was the moment for learning what he was feeling. Wind mills were turning with noises.
GERODERE I realized after you left the Royal Guards that I was searching for your
cool voice and smile, and following your serene eyes. Then I couldn't restrain myself and I told your father that I wanted you. I love you, with all my heart. Ah, I curse myself that I can only say such mediocre words! Please, say something to me.
Oscar didn’t even make her head up. She could not take her mind from Andre. It was not the noise of mills but their squeezed heart in this confusing world. She was respecting his feelings but Andre… “What do you want to hear Gerodere?”
She remained silent. Gerodere felt he could not express himself. He wanted to be near Oscar, in any ways…
GERODERE If I wasn't born into the nobility, which is nothing but a drag, I would become your servant or stableman!
Oscar made her head up, stared at him. Love was not a matter of nobility or money. It was independent of all. Gerodere was not so different than Andre when the subject was love.
General Jarjayes was insistent about finding a husband to Oscar. He wanted to send Oscar to a ball as “Daughter of Jarjayes family”. She was a daughter of Jarjayes family who did not need to wear dress but it would take some while for her father to realize this.
Oscar was in her office when she heard that assassin shot her father. He hadn’t missed any of his targets. Oscar did not think of anything except seeing her father. When she entered to room, “He's fine, Mademoiselle. The bullet miraculously missed his heart.” said Nanny. She lost the tension on her muscles, found herself sat on the floor.
Oscar hadn’t noticed how important General Jarjayes was for her before. Near her father’s bed, she was thinking of catching the killer. But her father had other plans and she couldn’t reject him this time.
GENERAL Oscar… I don’t want you to catch the assassin. Please… Gerodere is a nice man. I just want you to consider him… If you are really sure that it is impossible, we can find another suitor…
OSCAR Ok…
She made her head down, she didn’t believe what she was saying.
OSCAR I am going to think about Gerodere. But I don’t want anymore suitors.
Andre was just about to go in when he heard what Oscar said. He took a deep breath… That was it; he was losing Oscar totally… Her marriage with Gerodere was going to be the end of his hope… “When you don’t have hope…” He couldn’t go into the room. That night, Andre drank until he become unconscious. But even in unconsciousness, he was dreaming about Oscar. His spirit was praying for God’s help. “Give me a cure or take this pain from my chest, but please, do something”…
Oscar waited for Andre until she fell asleep on the chair. Andre turned back home with the first lights of dawn. Oscar was sleeping on the chair; she would be exhausted after all these events. He put up the blanket on her and watched her for a while. Whatever she did, whatever she said, they were meant for each other. Sometimes life was becoming so tough to bear. Then a beautiful scene, such as her silent face, was making whole world better. However, this was time to go for him. He took his clothes and turned back to barracks a day earlier. Oscar couldn’t see him when she got up.
GERODERE Oscar…
Gerodere smiled to what he just said. He was not used to call Oscar with her name after years of calling her “Commander”.
GERODERE Could you get used to French Guards? I heard that you had some difficulties in the beginning…
OSCAR Difficulties? I don't take them as difficulties at all. Any newly assigned commander will face resistance from the members of the corps. It was rather encouraging to me. In fact, they are all good soldiers. They did an excellent job while protecting Duke Ardelos.
While talking to Gerodere, Oscar realized how French Guards changed her vision. Before that, maybe she was aware of the problems in
GERODERE You had a servant… I mean, Andre… I haven’t seen him for a while… He had helped us many times in Royal Guards. Is he still working in Mansion Jarjayes?
Oscar remembered the first day she saw Andre in French Guards. His presence was both a problem and a blessing…
OSCAR Andre was a friend to me for years, not a servant. He was always free to do what he wants. A few months ago, he chose to leave here. He attended French Guards. Now, he is living in the barracks…
A smile appeared on Gerodere’s face. He was staring at the wine. Oscar did not want to talk about Andre anymore. He was her dear friend, who was showing her the other side of the world. For a second, she thought how much suffering she caused. But Andre was not leaving. Nowadays, there was a distance between them. Oscar was hoping he hadn’t heard about Gerodere’s proposal.
GERODERE And Andre attended French Guards because….
OSCAR I don’t know… He didn’t tell so much about it.
Gerodere was still smiling.
GERODERE Sometimes I think Andre is the luckiest man on this earth… Whatever… Have you read “New Heloise” of Rousseau?
Oscar was trying to figure out what he meant…
GERODERE Love between noble and commoner, as if they are equal… This is what that book tells. That story inspires many people nowadays.
OSCAR Gerodere, what are you trying to say?
GERODERE Commander…
In a sudden, he had returned calling her “Commander”. Oscar had opened her eyes with curiosity, but with that smile on his face he was still staring at his glass.
GERODERE Commander… Andre loves you, I knew it from the first moment I met him. And he is lucky, because he can be your stableman, your soldier… He can go wherever you go. He is not surrounded with family policies managing his life like ours. He is a butterfly, flying around the fire. But, he can never reach you.
Oscar was surprised with what she heard. So Gerodere was aware of everything, even the things she hadn’t noticed.
GERODERE Like that book… I was hoping that it was a one way love, then with my words you would get angry and send me out… But it is not the case; I can see him in your eyes. Commander… No. Oscar, My beloved Oscar… This love will burn both of you. You can not come over whole world…
OSCAR Gerodere?!!
GERODERE I think, I should leave now.
Oscar couldn’t even stand up when he walked to the door. Gerodere stopped before going out and talked without looking her perplexed face:
GERODERE I am still asking for your hand. I need your presence even I know that you will never be able to love me…
Then he left. Whole room had turned into cold. Oscar’s body was trembling with the wind of bare truth. Andre’s love was true… Oscar’s sympathy to commoners was true… And her feelings… Her life path was changed incredibly. She was not a guard of Queen anymore. She was still respecting her. But, how about the people… Andre’s face… Her eyes were not blind with neither isolated world of
All Andre knew about Gerodere and Oscar was Oscar’s promise to give a shot. He was not aware of Oscar’s feelings. In fact, Oscar was acting strange for a while. She was trying to talk and sometimes Andre was catching her sights when she was watching him. “She is sorry” he thought. “She is showing mercy on me…” This was why he kept a distance between Oscar and himself.
Oscar suddenly got up. Her whole body was wet of sweating… It was same dream for nights. Andre was leaving her… Oscar was shouting behind him, she was telling how she loved him. But he was not looking back. Her last scream was waking her up. For days she was thinking about the same thing. She was loving Andre, with all her heart. But she was not sure of confessing that love. Her heart would not put up with losing him. However, Gerodere was also right while saying: “This love will burn both of you”
No choice:
Restless mind