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When she
woke up, Fersen was already gone. It was noon,
but Oscar nevertheless felt tired. She
wondered if her disease was the reason…
Despite the
bad taste in her mouth she forced herself to eat something. Even if it was a
soup, it tasted awful. When she was ready, she went to the library to find
something to do. A maid entered the room quietly.
MAID Excuse me mademoiselle, today another letter
arrived from France.
OSCAR From France?
That’s strange. We just received a letter three days ago.
The maid
just nodded her head and Oscar took
the letter. It was Rosalie’s handwriting. A smile appeared on Oscar’s face. Rosalie
hadn’t written anything for three months now, but then she remembered the
events that had happened in France lately and the
words she had said the day before.
While
reading it she felt her body getting cold. She read it again, but the message
stayed the same: “Dear Lady
Oscar, It’s such a tragedy that I
have to write you under these conditions today, but I guess we all had to be
prepared for this…Yesterday the Bastille was stormed. They brought the guns of
Bastille to bear on the inner city and prepared to attack the common people of Paris!
French Guards took sides with the people and Andre
was among them. When they helped to storm the Bastille, he was shot. So did
thousands of others. We could talk to him before he died. I think he wasn’t
aware of what he said anymore, he said: ‘No, I’m not going to die. I won’t let Oscar alone.’ I know he meant so much to you. Poor Andre, he’s been always a good friend to us. May god
take his pure soul with him… I’m sorry, tears keep me from writing… Rosalie”
Oscar couldn’t see anything when her eyes were filled with tears. They ran
down her cheeks, both warm and cold, and this light touch told her that it was
all reality. She couldn’t breath, she couldn’t think or just make any noise to
express her black despair. Andre was dead;
she wouldn’t ever see him again and hear his voice tell her name… Suddenly she
felt a pain in her chest like she had felt it every time she had this awful
cough, but it didn’t matter anymore. Everything turned black and the last thing
she felt was her legs becoming weak…
When she
regained consciousness, tears were still in her eyes. Fersen was sitting near
the bed, holding her hand. He looked worried.
FERSEN Oscar!
I was so worried about you. I read the letter. I’m really sorry…
Oscar, thinking about that, felt betrayed somehow. This letter was meant for no
one else than her. Andre’s last words,
what happened to him… But she realized that it didn’t matter anymore. Andre was
dead…
FERSEN I will go to France
again. I just have to. Things are going out of control… I have to support the
queen, now, that nobody is on her side.
OSCAR I will come with you.
Fersen
already knew she would say that, he had expected her to say it. He didn’t even
try to answer her back and nodded his head instead.
They took a
simple carriage and some things with them. After they had reached the coast,
they took a ship that was sailing right to France without any stop.
The travel didn’t make Oscar’s disease
better. Now that they were so close together, she wasn’t even able to hide it
from Fersen. Her condition became worse every day. There was a doctor on the
ship so they soon learned that it was tuberculosis. Oscar
wasn’t surprised by that, she didn’t even feel sorry about it.
One night
the sea was very rough and the ship was waving. Fersen woke up and heard Oscar murmuring while sleeping. She had a nightmare.
He went near her bed and took her temperature. She was sweating and lashing
about. Fersen tried to calm her down, then she woke up.
FERSEN I should have left you in Sweden, Oscar.
It would have been better for your health at least. I’m afraid it wasn’t a good
idea to come with me…
OSCAR Axel,
if I die, I want to be buried in France.
Her smile
tore his heart. That Oscar he got to
know was strong and brave. He couldn’t believe what she had said. Could it be
she had given up everything? Fersen embraced his now weak and helpless wife.
FERSEN Oscar,
you won’t leave me, please promise me.
They both
had decided to take Oscar to Mansion
Jarjayes, where her parents would care for her while Fersen was at Versailles, but he had to
promise that he wouldn’t do anything on his own. He went to support the queen
and keep an eye on everything that would happen now.
They had
hoped that she would feel better soon when she was near her family, but Oscar
couldn’t sleep in a house where everything remembered her Andre. Once she went
down the stairs to the servants’ floors. With her feet naked she didn’t make
any noise on the floor. She went to Andre’s
room, leaned against the door and closed her eyes for a while. She remembered
the day she was here the last time before she left this house and went to Versailles. It was the
evening she had come back from Normandy.
She could
feel him inside the room. He was lying on his bed and a candle was enlightened.
Oscar could see the flickering light
on the floor near her feet. This battered door was the only thing that
separated them. It was so warm, yet the warmth came from her heart. Her fingers
became cold and when she opened her eyes, there was darkness around her.
NANNY Lady Oscar…
Oscar turned
around in surprise and looked at Nanny with eyes full of tears. Nanny cried
also. The old woman stepped forward and embraced her tightly.
NANNY I’ve lost my grandson Andre
lately, now you’re going to leave me, too. You’re the only one I have now…
OSCAR You don’t have to worry, Nanny. If I die, Andre will be with me.
They were
standing there for quite a while.
Visiting Rosalie would be difficult, so Oscar
decided to do it secretly. In the early morning, she went to the stable. When
she entered, her horse whinnied excited. Andre’s
brown horse was there, too.
OSCAR I guess you were waiting for a
ride with me…? Who else will care for you now…
It began to
rain while she was riding to Paris. When she came near their
house, she was coughing again. A stabbing pain was in her chest. It hurt so
much from inside that she couldn’t sit upright. She fell down her horse. Rosalie and Bernard
appeared and took her inside.
ROSALIE Oscar,
what are you doing to yourself?! You should have stayed in bed instead of being
outside when it’s raining so hard!
But Rosalie knew she couldn’t be angry with her. She
changed her clothes quickly and brought a warm soup, which Oscar ate
reluctantly. Rosalie hesitated about what to say:
ROSALIE Lady Oscar,
you grew thin. I hope it’s not… I’m really worried about you.
OSCAR It’s just the sickness, Rosalie. I will be better soon.
Rosalie
knew that Oscar just wanted to calm her. Oscar was
not same, she had lost the light in her eyes. She made her head down, asked
what she came for:
OSCAR Tell me about Andre. How did he die?
Rosalie startled.
ROSALIE He… Andre was shot. He had helped to storm the Bastille. Bernard and I were there, too. We could talk to him before he died.
Oscar looked at her when Rosalie hesitated to tell her.
ROSALIE I
think he wasn’t aware of what he said anymore. First he said
he’s not going to die because he can’t leave you like this,
on your own. When the pain became less, he calmed down. He was so quiet
then. He said we should tell you that you shouldn’t worry; time
would bring you together again. He’d be sorry he couldn’t
be there for you. He smiled when he died… We even couldn’t
do anything. The bullet passed straight through his heart. It was a
miracle he didn’t die at once. It seems he wanted you to know his
feelings before he died.
It had become quiet now. Rosalie pretended not to see the tears in Oscar’s eyes, those she tried to hide from her. Then she remembered something.
ROSALIE Ah, Andre…he left something.
Oscar looked up in surprise. Rosalie rushed out of the room and came back with a small notebook, simple and filthy.
ROSALIE Alain, who was Andre’s friend in Company B, gave it to us after his death.
Oscar stared her, but Rosalie just smiled. She opened it and read the first line: “My dear Oscar,
Months have passed, but I still miss you more and more every second
that passes by. How can I ever get used to it? Life seems unbearable
without your cheerful smile and agreeable voice. Being here and knowing
you are far away-“
Oscar stopped reading and broke out in tears.
OSCAR Andre…
She thought her heart would burst in pieces any second. ‘My Andre…’
Rosalie took her in her arms. Oscar
was so weak now… It was a change that could be felt and seen by
her appearance. Her body and soul were tortured by the loss of a
beloved person and her life will.
OSCAR Thank you, Rosalie. Thank you for everything you are.
Oscar was reading Andre’s
diary. The words he wrote consoled her somehow. She felt his hand
writing down the letters and could smell the mouldy air of barracks.
Sometimes she could hear his voice speaking words to her she never
heard from him. He was still so near…
A day passed and Oscar refused to eat; she said it would cause too much pain. In the evening she got unconscious. Rosalie was in panic. She called Fersen and a doctor…
When Oscar woke up again, Fersen was sleeping with his head on the bed. He held her pale hand.
OSCAR Axel…
He woke up and again she could see this worried expression in his eyes. It was more obvious now than before. She whispered:
OSCAR I loved you, Axel. Please remember that I’ve always loved you.
Fersen
nodded his head. Tears were falling from his eyes. ‘Yes, I know
you loved me. But your heart had always belonged to Andre.’
FERSEN Psss… Don’t talk anymore. You shouldn’t strain yourself too much.
OSCAR Axel, promise- Promise me to bury me near Andre. Please, promise me.
FERSEN I will, I promise. You won’t be apart from him…. Oscar!
Again, he couldn’t fight back tears. Oscar didn’t fear her death. She knew that it was her fate to die. Andre was already waiting, somewhere… Fersen
stayed at her bed. He didn’t wait for her to get well again, it
was waiting for a merciful death that would take her from this
world’s cruel surface and lead her to a place where no pain
existed, no tears and no class differences. A world maybe better than
last one.
THE END
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