|
A great ball was celebrated at Versailles that day. It had become a seldom event now since Marie Antoinette had decided to pay attention to France’s
financial problems, visit the audiences again and to save money
wherever it was tolerable. Anyhow balls and feasts were still an
exigency if the Royal Family didn’t want to break ties with the
nobles who lived at court and who were the only ones they had a direct
influence over.
Oscar had watched the people trying to have fun. Of course she didn’t dance. Two times
she had done it for Fersen. No one could ever force her to do it again.
She was leaning against a window frame and watching the dancing couples
when she suddenly noticed that someone was looking at her. Count Fersen
was standing at the opposite wall and staring her with a piercing
glance. He looked as beautiful as ever: gentle, kind… He was
standing upright so that he seemed bigger that the other nobles around,
but it wasn’t only his appearance. His gaze… It was like
he could look into her inner self, forcing her to reveal every secret
she might hide from him. Oscar
felt her heart beating fast again. Why couldn’t she forget him
forever? She turned around and took a glass of wine that she put away
quickly.
She
looked out of the window. It had gotten dark outside and she could see
nothing but the deep darkness and the reflection of the dancing crowd
behind her. She felt the same darkness and emptiness inside her.
Everything felt so unnatural that it was hard to find one’s self.
What was she doing here?
She
left the hall and went to the fountain near the building. Roses were
planted around it. She remembered the evening when she was dancing in a
dress, just like all those women inside. It was mere a touch of what
she could have when she decided to live as a woman, but it had been
enough to arouse her curiosity. It wasn’t the dresses and balls,
but she wanted to be loved as a woman. She wondered if she was ever
able to see her own children grow up.
FERSEN Oscar? Are you bored or just fleeing from the people inside?
She
turned around in great surprise as she heard Fersen’s agreeable
voice. He bowed before her. That was quite strange, she thought, as
they had been friends for so long before. Why did he make use of
formalities now?
FERSEN I’m going to take a walk through the garden. Will you accompany me?
Oscar followed him quietly.
FERSEN I had expected you to come today. I have to talk to you.
He
stopped walking and his glare again met her eyes. He tried to say
something, but was at a loss for words to do it. He looked at her as if
he wished to find the answer in her face instead. Oscar was just confused and Fersen’s facial expression got melancholic. She didn’t understand.
FERSEN Oscar,
you were always my best friend and I never thought I could have these
feelings for you that I have now. I didn’t even consider…
I know I was blind. My love for Marie Antoinette has made me blind to see what’s around me and what’s inside me. I love you, Oscar.
Oscar averted her eyes from him. She did believe him, but she felt nothing when he said the words. She picked up a rose.
OSCAR I
had forced myself to forget about you. You said you couldn’t ever
love me and I tried to suppress my feelings. Now you come again and
talk about love…
FERSEN Forgive me. I had been a fool to hurt you, Oscar,
but now I see it clearer. I love you. Don’t reject me. I need
your love, too, maybe because I’m not as strong as you are to
suppress my feelings.
Fersen put forth his hand to touch her face and sweep her hair. Oscar felt uncomfortable and he retracted his hand again.
FERSEN Let me love you, Oscar. I want to forget about Marie Antoinette
and the love she wasn’t allowed to give me. You were always there
for me, now I want to be there for you. Become my wife…
She
looked at him in great surprise. Marrying? Becoming a wife? She dropped
the rose, but Fersen picked it up and handed it to her again. He gave
her a quick kiss and smiled at her.
FERSEN Please think about it. I’ll leave you alone now.
He left while Oscar kept standing in the darkness of Versailles’ gardens.
Oscar was leading a special battalion of Royal Guards to Paris.
They had to sound out the situation in the city and report it
afterwards. She didn’t feel comfortable about doing it, but she
wanted to know what was going on in Paris also.
Patrolling through Paris’ poorest quarters
and seeing all the beggars and prostitutes was dispiriting. Emaciated
children were popping at them through battered doors. People were
staring at them with a killing glance and Oscar
felt guilty in a way she had never felt, but she also knew that she was
helpless about it. A thought came up in her mind that something had to
change, something fundamental should happen that would change the whole
situation into something totally new, but she suppressed it. With fear
she realized that she had almost reached the point to betray her
Majesty and the Royal Family…
Gerodere
was riding beside her. She seemed thoughtful and he wondered if she was
thinking about Fersen. Rumours had started about a marriage of Lady
Oscar and Count Fersen and it really seemed as if they had a special
relationship.
“My
beloved Lady Oscar”, he thought, “May you become a happy
wife. That’s the only thing I wish you and wishing is the only
thing I can do…”
Suddenly, they crossed the way of another troop. It was the French Guards Company B, which was responsible for troubles in Paris.
OSCAR I’m Oscar Francois de Jarjayes, commander of Royal Guards.
DAGOUT I’m the commander of the French Guards, Colonel Dagout.
OSCAR We just came from Versailles. Tell me about the situation in Paris.
DAGOUT Well,
we’ve been patrolling through this quarter for several hours now.
There was a rubbery at the east side; some beggars burgled a bakery.
But that’s nothing special anymore these days…
Oscar
didn’t hear what he was saying anymore. She noticed Andre,
wearing the same uniform and same weapons as the other soldiers,
sitting on a brown horse in the second row. He had joined Company B!
She hadn’t returned home for several weeks and hadn’t known
that he was in Company B. It was quite a shock to meet him here.
Andre knew he would meet Oscar
once, but he had always feared what she would say or think and he
wondered if she forgave him after all, but he never expected to see
this warm expression on her face. She not only forgave him; she really
was worried about him. He was fortunate to see her again like this. It
was like a reassurance of the feelings he had had inside the whole time
since she had left. He missed her, missed her presence, her voice, her
warmth. He wanted to walk to her, take her in his arms or at least
follow her wherever she went… He knew he couldn’t.
DAGOUT Commander?
OSCAR Thank you. You’re doing a great job. Keep going! We’re riding back to Versailles. Follow me.
They turned around to head back to Versailles palace. She had to go to home; she needed to know why Andre attended Company B… And she wanted to see him again.
Alain had recognized that Andre had turned extremely silent after the meeting in the afternoon. Something was wrong.
ALAIN Hey Andre! What’s wrong with you? You don’t want to play cards with us?
He sat down near his bed.
ALAIN Did you know the commander? He must be a noble. Only nobles are allowed to attend the Royal Guards…
ANDRE She… is a woman.
Alain’s
raised his left eyebrow, but he saw that it was quite important for
Andre, so he didn’t comment that had been on the tip of his
tongue already. He waited for him to say something, but Andre seemed to be absorbed in thought. Whole day he had been in this state.
ALAIN It’s ok if you don’t want to talk about it…
Andre could hear the disappointment in his voice though.
ANDRE Wait…
Since that meeting in the afternoon Andre
was full of hope. Apparently Oscar had forgiven him. Maybe she would
return home then soon… He wanted to see her again, now that he
knew that everything was ok.
He
was neither afraid nor ashamed to tell Alain about his love for Oscar
now. They were meant for each other from their childhood on and even
before. He told him about his love towards her. He also told him how
much he wished to see her again. He knew he would have to go to Mansion
Jarjayes again, just to meet her.
Alain
really tried his best to understand him, but it was the most
unbelievable story he had ever heard. A servant loving a noble…
He didn’t want to alienate him, but it rather sounded like a
novel, something he had read years ago…
ALAIN I don’t know Andre.
You better don't get involved with that woman. She's quite capable at
taking commands of the company I believe, but it seems that she can't
take things easy. It's fatal to fall in love with such a woman. A man
gets embroiled and won't have enough lives to spare.
You
don't care about your life for that woman? Does that woman know about
your eyes? It seems she didn’t even know you attended Company B
lately…
ANDRE I don’t want to tell her about my eyes.
If he told her, she would know how weak he was. He would not be even able to defend himself…
Alain stared one left eye of Andre, tried to see what he was feeling. Andre
was always so still, he wasn’t telling anything. He had an
impossible love; it was impossible not only because of the class
differences but also due to the way she had been living. She was not a
woman to marry.
Choices:
ALAIN You better forget her...
ALAIN It's your decision...
|
|