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ALAIN
You better forget her.
Andre turned around in surprise.
ALAIN She’s a noble. It doesn’t matter how much
you love her. The only thing that matters to them is power, influence and
money. There is no room left for love…
Alain
laughed contemptibly. Then he looked into Andre’s
face.
ALAIN Have you ever heard of someone of higher
class marrying because of love? Times are hard, everyone feels it. If you want
to survive you have to think of your own predominantly. Commoners usually don’t
have anything to loose, but nobles have a certain amount of money and a rank. No
one cares about love nowadays.
Andre didn’t answer anything. How could he explain? He knew Oscar. She wouldn’t marry a rich noble just because
of money. She had always fought for justice and she was concerned of the
miserable situation in France and its financial
crisis. She had always tried to help the
commoners and the poor.
Oscar tied her horse up in the stable and ran to the mansion to flee from the
cold rain. She was soaked already, so wanted to warm up near a fire.
NANNY I began thinking you already forgot us. Why
didn’t you visit us just once in all those weeks?
Oscar ignored the question. She smiled.
OSCAR How can I ever forget you.
Andre took her coat and their eyes met incidentally. Suddenly she wasn’t sure
about anything anymore. She wished she had never come here; it would have been
so much easier…
NANNY Lady Oscar, do you wish something to eat?
OSCAR No, it’s late already. Would
you just bring me some tea?
Andre felt anxious. Their meeting was totally different from what he had
imagined and there was something in her eyes that worried him.
When he
brought the tea, Oscar was sitting in
an armchair near the fireplace.
OSCAR Thank you, Andre. It feels so good being at home again.
He was
waiting for her to speak.
OSCAR So you’re member in French
Guards Company B. You could have told me… But… It’s ok, I have to accept that
you have your own life now. We’ve taken different paths in our lives. We should
be happy that we are living on our own decisions… But somehow…
ANDRE Don’t say that Oscar. You know I could never leave you.
It had
become silent. None of them was saying anything for minutes. Oscar turned her head towards him.
OSCAR Fersen proposed to me.
Now she
looked at him. What would he say? She could see the shock and feelings
struggling in him, but then Andre
lowered his head. So that was it. She didn’t accuse him to have left; she was
the one who was leaving now. He was losing her. She had come to say good-bye to
him… A last time she was visiting Mansion Jarjayes. Andre
still couldn’t believe it. Oscar stood
up. ‘Say something…’
OSCAR Andre…
ANDRE What do you want me to say, Oscar?
He glanced
at her, his eyes filled with bitterness. There were so many words unspoken, but
it didn’t matter how many times he swore his love to her. She wouldn’t know that no one could ever love her
as honestly and deeply as he did. No one would ever love her as much as he did,
know and understand her feelings as well as he did. ‘Do you really want to
marry him? Oscar, I don’t need to say
again how much I love you. You know that already…’ If she decided to be at Count Fersen’s side for the
rest of her life, he would have to accept, but he knew that she wouldn’t ever become
happy… Andre didn’t say anything. He
took the tea and left the room.
Oscar sat down. She hadn’t expected him to say nothing at all. It tore her
heart when she thought about leaving, but there was a carriage that would certainly
come to take her in a week and Fersen already awaiting her…
Oscar wasn’t used to her new life yet. Weeks had passed, she was introduced
to the Swedish society and she had married Count Fersen. A smile appeared on Oscar’s face
every time she remembered the day when she had married the man she loved so
much. They were both dressed in pure white and white roses had been draped
along her wedding gown. After they had sworn in front of God to love and honour
each other the rest of their life, Fersen said that she had never looked as
beautiful as in that moment. Then they kissed. She had never felt so perfectly
happy…
Of course
she wore dresses now and was styled every morning; her hair had to be done and
she also needed help to fit in that tight underwear. She didn’t have any
special job now, she was just Count Fersen’s
wife.
Every
morning she stood up, forcing herself to accept that she was a woman now, with
all the usual duties women had and she kept on reminding herself that she had
wanted it. Of course she had wanted to marry Fersen and she thought that their
wedding day had been the most important event in her life, but there were also
many problems she wouldn’t have thought about before.
Fersen
often wasn’t at home. She felt isolated from the life around her. People tried
to talk French with her and of course they were all charmed by the beautiful
wife of Count Fersen,
but she knew she had to learn Swedish soon. She also didn’t know anything about
Sweden’s
problems and history, what made it impossible for her and even to talk about
those things with Fersen.
Also the
winter had been very hard for her. It was unusual cold. It was the first time Oscar saw so much snow ever. There were times they
were totally isolated from civilization. On her birthday Oscar
got a bad cold, which she still had to cure with much sleep and enough food.
Fersen had engaged
someone to practice fencing with her and the maids already wondered about a
woman fencing so perfectly. But every time she did it, she was painfully
reminded what she missed so much. During the practice she thought about Andre, how he would react on certain attacks, how he
used to flee and answer them, how he used to move his arm and legs. He wasn’t
half as flexible as she was because he was a man. That had always been Oscar’s advantage. Every time she reached this point
of consideration she had to smile, but was also near to tears…
She forced
herself to forget, but how could she? Andre
had always been such an important part of her life that she felt his absence
even when she was dreaming.
Today Axel would return home again and Oscar already awaited him eagerly. There were news
from France,
National Assembly had named itself the Constituent National Assembly and had
proclaimed their primary task to draw up a constitution.
Oscar looked out of the window. The harsh weather of Sweden and its grey clouds… France
should be rainy nowadays. Oscar had
missed her country, her language, her life… Now she was a foreign to her own
country and was praying to hear anything about it. After all, these were the
things she had prepared to. But becoming a different person was unbearable…
When Fersen
entered the house, Oscar kissed him
welcome. He smiled in return.
OSCAR Will you come sit with me in
the library for a while? I’ve lit a fire, it’s nice in there.
FERSEN Uh, forgive me. I’m so tired. It’s been two
very hard days for me.
OSCAR There is news from France.
Fersen
turned around suddenly and looked at her in surprise. They went to the library
while Oscar was telling him what
happened.
OSCAR Necker,
the former financial minister, has been dismissed. He wanted the clergy and
nobility to pay taxes.
She
laughed.
OSCAR That was not so good I’m
afraid. The folks are surely raging. I’m afraid the situation will escalate
soon. We have to warn Marie
Antoinette.
Fersen was
staring her, then thought a second.
FERSEN I will write her at once. Don’t wait for me.
He kissed
his wife and rushed to his office. There was still something he would work in
day and night and it didn’t matter if he was tired or not…
Suddenly
she had to cough again. She leaned against the cold wall to keep herself
standing. At first, she had thought that it was just the cold, but now she was
coughing blood since one month. Oscar
didn’t say anything to Fersen. He was so busy and she didn’t want to worry him…
She tried
to stop the coughing while stumbling to her room. When she reached the bed, she
fell down on it and fell asleep at once.
No choice:
Everything you lost... |
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